Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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