I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
