Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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