you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
