is your mom at the bar?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
