Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
