Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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