hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
someone owes me an orgasm
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
