Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
