I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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