and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
