So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize