I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
