Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
