somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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