Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
