Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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