My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
