i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize