You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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