You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize