you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
