So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
