the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
