I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
