Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
