just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
