he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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