some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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