I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Shame is for Republicans.
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