I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he fucked my hip out of place.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize