She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
