Can Purell be used as lube?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
