I should be sponsored by Trojan
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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