3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
