I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize