Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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