someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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