He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
