If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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