why didn't you poke me back
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
