Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
