i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
