i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
