Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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