it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
