Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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