she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
