So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize