I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
