My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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