if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
