Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize