i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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