hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize