vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
