I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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