she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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