i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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