Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
high people should be assigned attendants
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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