I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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