and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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