Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
