We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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