well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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