Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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