I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
